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Plan Your First Years of Marriage, Right

  • Posted on November 2, 2016 at 4:06 pm

The initial two years of marriage can be a learning experience or minefield, depending on your thought processes. That is of course a generalized simplification that not all marriages fall under. Sometimes you are so tuned in with each other that it takes a couple years down the road to get to the minefield. Let me explain about this area.
During your dating years perhaps one or both of you asked all sorts of questions of your partner, so you have pretty good idea of who your significant other is and is all about. Then you get married and since you remember or can reassess the answers to your questions, it seems like smooth sailing until you hit a bump that neither of you even thought to ask. Perhaps it about health issues or your children’s initial education, or some form of money that never even crossed your mind during your dating or even during your engagement period. There are lots of aspects that come into play for any one of these issue. Things you may have taken for granted, such as trust issues, clear communication and empathy for the other person’s feelings and ideas.
Ahh you say, yes, we’ve got all that. Yes, but have you fully discussed it and if you have, are there parameters set up as to how to handle it if the discussion becomes heated? There are a great number of books that emphasize communication: from how to fight fair (with words and feelings) (Non-Violet Communications to Imago Dialogue which emphasizes; mirroring, validating and emphasizing. And beyond that you still need to trust your partner with both the larger issues and the smaller ones that almost seem unnecessary to mention. However without that trust your communication will go by the wayside and like our recent (U.S. 2012 – 2017) two houses of congress nothing will be gotten done. There will be seemingly lots of movement but in reality you are at an impasse. There may be move from side to side, but there is no way either of you can move forward and back seems ridiculous.
Living with and knowing that your partner is empathetic to your ideas and feelings are a must along with their being interested in what you are saying validates them and keeps the conversation going until you can come to a conclusion that works for you both. There is even a book specific to your early years of marriage: First Year of Marriage by Marcus and Ashley Kusi, which will assist you in hammering out a plan, vision for your marriage, as well as offering insight into other areas of your life together as a whole.
What can you do about all this to head it off at the pass? Start early and start strong with an ongoing process that can handle anything that comes up during your marriage or coupling. Much like a business plan, your marriage plan is a living breathing plan that changes when either of you and within your marriage changes. That’s called a marriage growing plan or vision for your marriage. You could even come up with an affirmative vision plan that grows along with you during the life of your marriage. Pick something that either says where you’d like to be or an ongoing feature within your marriage. That’s type of plan you’ll need for traversing any unforeseen minefields in your path.
For more information about Marcus & Ashley please tune into

New York City Budget Weddings: Elegant And Affordable

  • Posted on January 8, 2015 at 5:57 pm

11+ Secrets From NYC Budget Weddings

New York Budget Weddings: Elegant and Affordable

New York Budget Weddings: Elegant and Affordable

IT’S TIME!!                                IT’S HERE!!!

The book seemingly five years in the making, really it was 3.5 years, but sometimes it felt like five.

The book is scheduled to be published on Saturday 1/24 starting at midnight and is is pre-pub mode. So, yes you can purchase it now via Amazon’s Kindle, but you will not be able to download it until the day of publication. The pre-pub cover a little different, but you can find it at this link:



  • Posted on October 23, 2011 at 1:47 am

Happy Holidays and a Very Happy &

Properous New Year.

And if you are in another state with family, I wish you love, happiness and to have a safe return.
My hope for all whose weddings are in the coming months is that it does come under budget, while still being elegant and fun.

There has been even more events that I have gone to, that I think you may want to know about, so I have composed of list of things that have happened but need your help and things that are in the process or preparation to happen, that also need your help.  Two are monetary help and one is political clout help.  If you have any of the latter please lend it to Debora of Deja Vu Book Lounge in east Harlem.  More about that later.

The films that would greatly appreciate funding and or just publicity are:


Beantown, A Documentary Film

Set in an impoverished Afro-Ecuadorian town is home to Ecuador’s top soccer talent and yet even after 2002’s World Cup they remain marginalized by the same people that celebrate their athleticism.  The film includes interviews with soccer players; Valencia, De La Cruz, and Delgado.

It’s a wonderful film, still in the process of being made.  The ending has almost been shot, but the producers need funds to get back to Ecuador, to film, then funding for editing and then of course marketing.


Contact  The producers are Betty Bastidas and Maia Monasterios.  To see more information on the film, go to


The second film’s title and information I will have at a later date.  The film is set in South Africa and involves getting children into and respecting dance as a medium of release, enjoyment, and discipline.


The book store, I mentioned above needs political clout.  The bookstore is located at 112 East 116th Street, New York, NY 10029 between Lexington & Park Avenues.  In the heart of Spanish Harlem.  In fact my friend’s store is just around the corner in La Marqueta.  His store is La Bodega.  Yummy food, good conversation and terrific gift items too.  Check that out, too.


Back to the bookstore:  Deja Vu Book Lounge.  The owner Ms. Debora wants to have a book fair.


Very similar to the Harlem Book Fair, which had its humble beginnings, back in 1997.  It was QBP Magazine and Mosaic Books along with African Diaspora Book Group, who got that off the ground.  One of co-Founders of both African Diaspora Book Group & QBP Magazine were instrumental in putting that book fair on the map and garnering Time-Warner’s support.  Ms. Debora, needs that help now for the book fair she wants to start and present.

The book fair is now scheduled for April 21st 2012.

The challenge is getting to have it on the block with the sponsors she has garnered.  The very same block with her book shop, rather than being pushed off to a non – trafficked  section of Harlem.  Being in the heart of where the action is has its perks.  It’s safer for the both the participants and the visitors.  Plus, it is easy to get to for all.  The book fair will feature poets, writers of Hispanic origins as well as urban origins (people of color and from and around the neighborhood).  She already has some well-known participants.  Ms. Debora already has the backing of her block, it just seems to be the politicians of her community who are against bringing literacy to the neighborhood through a book fair.

Here’s my call to you to get involved, especially if you have some political cache’.  Get involved to bring literacy in the form of poetry, other writing back to the neighborhood.  Don’t you think it’s about time?




Why haven’t you heard from me of late you may wonder?  I have had a glitch on my website.  I’d write my blog or articles and sometimes I’d usually write into the website itself, but of late, I haven’t been able to see what I have been writing while I’ve been writing it.  I would either have to highlight it to see it or publish it and then if I needed additional editing I would then have to take it into edit form again, which meant I couldn’t see it again.  Talk about ghost writing or invisible ink, but via the Internet.  Quite frustrating!!  That was quite a glitch, which I had to work out.  It was an odd thing to say the least.


Another reason I haven’t been updating you on what’s what in my life, is I have been putting more finishing touches on my  book, New York Budget Weddings, Elegant and Affordable, in case you’d forgotten the title – NOT, before it went back to my marvelous editor for the final  edits.  I also decided to add another chapter which I have never seen addressed by anyone or anywhere while I both researched more and re-read my book and others on similar subjects.  While I was re-reading, you know I had to do some of my own editing, which spurred me to write more about the subject at hand.

With both of these, one technical and one artistic, plus checking out the food events around town, that are out of the ordinary, I’ve been pretty busy.  I’ve missed chatting with you and find out what’s going on with you, so as someone said in a movie said “I’m BAAAACK!  Back with —  two count’em — two entries about the food antics happening in New York City and around me.  Soon to come a podcast with the winner of “The Wedding Cake Taste-Off”, along with some of our guest vendors.  Keep your eyes here.  See you soon.