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Plan Your First Years of Marriage, Right

  • Posted on November 2, 2016 at 4:06 pm

The initial two years of marriage can be a learning experience or minefield, depending on your thought processes. That is of course a generalized simplification that not all marriages fall under. Sometimes you are so tuned in with each other that it takes a couple years down the road to get to the minefield. Let me explain about this area.
During your dating years perhaps one or both of you asked all sorts of questions of your partner, so you have pretty good idea of who your significant other is and is all about. Then you get married and since you remember or can reassess the answers to your questions, it seems like smooth sailing until you hit a bump that neither of you even thought to ask. Perhaps it about health issues or your children’s initial education, or some form of money that never even crossed your mind during your dating or even during your engagement period. There are lots of aspects that come into play for any one of these issue. Things you may have taken for granted, such as trust issues, clear communication and empathy for the other person’s feelings and ideas.
Ahh you say, yes, we’ve got all that. Yes, but have you fully discussed it and if you have, are there parameters set up as to how to handle it if the discussion becomes heated? There are a great number of books that emphasize communication: from how to fight fair (with words and feelings) (Non-Violet Communications to Imago Dialogue which emphasizes; mirroring, validating and emphasizing. And beyond that you still need to trust your partner with both the larger issues and the smaller ones that almost seem unnecessary to mention. However without that trust your communication will go by the wayside and like our recent (U.S. 2012 – 2017) two houses of congress nothing will be gotten done. There will be seemingly lots of movement but in reality you are at an impasse. There may be move from side to side, but there is no way either of you can move forward and back seems ridiculous.
Living with and knowing that your partner is empathetic to your ideas and feelings are a must along with their being interested in what you are saying validates them and keeps the conversation going until you can come to a conclusion that works for you both. There is even a book specific to your early years of marriage: First Year of Marriage by Marcus and Ashley Kusi, which will assist you in hammering out a plan, vision for your marriage, as well as offering insight into other areas of your life together as a whole.
What can you do about all this to head it off at the pass? Start early and start strong with an ongoing process that can handle anything that comes up during your marriage or coupling. Much like a business plan, your marriage plan is a living breathing plan that changes when either of you and within your marriage changes. That’s called a marriage growing plan or vision for your marriage. You could even come up with an affirmative vision plan that grows along with you during the life of your marriage. Pick something that either says where you’d like to be or an ongoing feature within your marriage. That’s type of plan you’ll need for traversing any unforeseen minefields in your path.
For more information about Marcus & Ashley please tune into